Humans suddenly become intelligent

1 04 2012

Some described it as the “eco-topia”; some believed they had died in the night and awoken in a different universe. Some just stood there gaping stupidly.

Yet the events of 01 April 2012 are real*. Humans suddenly became intelligent.

In an unprecedented emergency UN session this morning, all the world’s countries pledged to an immediate wind-down of the fossil-fuel economy and promised to invest in a rational combination of nuclear and renewable energy sources. Some experts believe the pledge would see a carbon-neutral planet by 2020.

Additionally, the session saw a world-wide pledge to halt all deforestation by 2013, with intensive reforestation programmes implemented immediately.

Family planning would be embraced worldwide, with a concerted effort to see the human population plateau by 2070, and begin declining to a stable 2 billion by 2300.

Further, ecosystem services, including inter alia global-scale carbon taxes, water trading, pollination valuation and nutrient cycling, are to be set up immediately within standard commodities trading.

Perhaps most stunning of all was the complete rejection of economic growth for a sustainable ‘steady-state‘ model.

Some well-known politicians and celebrities had almost nothing to say, for a change.

My baker, a brilliant artisan, yet nearly unknown to most of the planet, had one of the most insightful comments regarding today’s events:

“Well, there you go. And I thought humanity was f*&k#d”.

CJA Bradshaw




4 responses

2 04 2012
2 04 2012
Jesse Langdon

If even ONE of these things was true, wouldn’t that be great?


1 04 2012

if only…


1 04 2012
Robert Lawrence

Great news! It is a pity it happened on 1 April. With a bit more intelligence they could have announced these things on a different date.


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