ConservationBytes.com

“Salutations! I hope you are safe and doing well,
[change font] Dear Doctor [insert name, surname, and initial]”

“We read your prestigious paper [insert TITLE here],”
(hmmm — you seem to take me for a fool, I fear)

“and we’d appreciated [sic] if you could submit your Research work”
(yep, they really must think I’m a berk)

“Your participation is extremely valuable to us,
here at Scientific Archives of Researches (or some such)”

“You may submit online, or as an attachment to this email address,”
(and I guess you’ll promise a minimal assessment sans stress?)

“In the pursuit of researches of quality best,
our open-access fees are among the most modest”

“We must be clear that this is not a scam”
(just how fucking thick do you think I am?)

“We will be waiting for your positive reply”
(this is the fifth one of these I’ve received today, sigh)

“Please let us know your acceptance to join the eminent author list,
and with any query, I will be most happy to assist”

“Sincerely, Profesor [sic] Gonar L Schlidt”
(does anyone actually fall for this shit?)